these words are my diary screaming out loud

......... and the list goes on.

2006-12-14T06:03:46Z

sometimes life turns out funny
never ending up how you planned
it'll take your breath away in a hurry
never ceasing for you to take your stand

so you gotta
hold on, fight the fight worth fighting
hold on, hold out your open hands
let the world see you scars
they'll soon be washed away
'cause every day's a different day
and you risk never being the same...

see ya.

2006-10-04T05:20:11Z

i think by now
it's safe to say
i am finally better off
in every sense, in every way

it's absurd to think
that i changed me for you
it's absurd to think
that you thought i wanted it, too

it is certainly sad
that we no longer talk
it hurts me more though
that i can never get back what i lost

i think you sucked me in
into some fake fairytale
with twisted, wicked endings
that left my heart oh so frail

so i took you out of my life
erased what used to be our past
and it feels so good to say
that the memory of you faded fast

i feel better about me
and care less about you
and when i look at it like that
i can finally see some truth

i'm sorry if this hurts you
but remember, you hurt me, too
and while i'm off moving on
i hope you can make it through

so yes, i can say
that by now, as of today
i'm better off without you
in every possible way

i don't keep my eyes wide open all the time

2006-10-02T04:05:15Z

I am fascinated and frightened at the same time. This book - Roadtrip Nation - is forcing me to step outside of my comfort zone that I have been so comfortable sitting in for so long. It is asking me to look at what I'm doing and say "is this taking you to where you want to go". All these stories in the book are about people who were lost college students like so many of us are. They are people who tooka advantage of being young, broke, and willing to do anything to find their calling. They all had an epihany. They all had some event that changed the course of their lives. Some got lucky - others still don't know if they want to keep the same job they have for the next 10 years.

Here is what scares me. When is my epiphany going to come? When is something going to change my life? What am I doing to get myself where I want to go? I don't even know where I want to go! I read these stories and it inspires me. It inspires me to write about how it inspires me. Which is such a great feeling since it's been so long since I felt passion come out of my body from writing. My heart actually feels something when I get this all out.

I am twenty-one years old. I am a junior in college and majoring in retail merchandising with a minor in business. I don't even know if that's what I want to do. Literally, one day, I saw the graduation schedule for retail merchandising majors and said, "Hey that looks cool - I think I want to major in that!" And that was it. I no longer had a dream of becoming a journalist. I no longer wanted to be a broadcaster. I thought I'd like to write, but I didn't consider it an optioin anymore. It was like that. One day I had a dream, and then it got hard. And I stopped. Now I am terrified I've made the wrong choice. I mean, I love my classes now. When I am sitting in a retail class I am fascinated by how it all works. I love learning about silhouttes and styles. I think it's so cool to know that when I am done with school that I'll have a degree in merchandising and know all this cool stuff about fashion,clothes, retail. So I guess I do like my major, but it's nights like these, nights when I sit here at my computer and feel like I could write forever and I am perfectly ok with that. I feel good at something again. I get all these ideas from this book. I get ideas on how to just put myself out there. Just do it! I'm twenty-one, what is stopping me? But that scares me too. I am twenty-one - While I am young, I am not getting any younger. I feel like I need to be doing more to get someplace. I feel like I am just sitting at college wasting a lot of money whenI should be out in the world figuring out what the hell i want to do when i get out of here. i dont want to keep going to classes and listening to lectures. i want to go places. do things. i want to learn from more than just one internship. i am scared to graduate college. i am scared to death.

where am i going to go? i dont want to go back home. where am i going tog et money to move away from home. what kind of job will i get. when the hell am i going to know the answers. i dont like feeling this insecure about something that is actually going to be the rest of my life. the choices i make now, are going to change every path i take from here on out. the only difference between me an the people i read about in roadtrip nation is that they actually did something about it. they changed their path. they took a new direction. they pushed aside financial issues and just went with it. who cares if they were in debt, broke and living off of rice and beans for three years. they were happy finding themselves. happy discovering what they could not live without doing for thr rest of tehir lives.

i am scared i wont do change my own life. i am scared i will not take charge of my insecurites. i am scared i am going to end up out of college, broke and no place to go. i am scared i am making choices that will not complete me. i am scared that i wont do anything about it. because i dont think i can.

what are you passionate about?

2006-09-18T17:52:19Z

I cannot think of how many times I have been asked that question in my lifetime. Normally, I hear it, write down a few things I like - a few things I think are cool - and I don't second guess it. But tonight, as I am reading one of my books for my college classes, I am struck down in pure fear at the thought of actually defining what I am passionate about.

I am in my junior year of college. Currently, I am supposed to have careers in mind, paths chosen, things accomplished. And instead of sitting here thinking of all those things, I am asking myself "What have I done?". I came to college with a vision of writing - working in journalism. I gave up on that dream when I realized it wasn't going to happen. Or when I realized I didn't want to do it. But did I not want to do it, or did I give up? I can't ever remember.

SO here I am. A junior majoring in Retail Merchandising with a minor in business. God, I hope I am choosing the right path.

I was sitting on an airplane on my way to Southern California. Positive I was entering my destiny -- well my living destiny anyway. A young man -- seemingly successful, inquires about my Ohio roots. Where I'm from, where I go to school, where am I headed... and then finally, the big one, what am I passionate about. I can remember sitting there, saying nothing. My mind was blank. I couldn't think of anything. Writing? Reading? Fashion? Family.. what in the HELL was I passionate about. Passionate about life. Yes. THat was it. Great, we all know that narrows it down. I never did actually answer his question, and tonight I'm sitting here still trying to come up with something.

I think I like to write. I enjoy it. It's a release. But is it what I am passionate about. Is it the thing that gets me up in the morning and makes me want to go to work - go to school, graduate, get a job. I don't know. I get a rush from shopping malls. I love knowing how clothes are made. I love learning about the sales process. I love learing how to make a sale bigger. I like retai. I get up everyday because my alarm goes off. I go to class because I am paying for college myself. I get involved in organizations because I need things that look good on a resume. I do things because I HAVE to... when will I start doing things because I want to? When am I going to wake up and know what my passion is?

It's scary. It's so freaking scary. I'm 21 years old. Some of the 21 year olds I see on tv have accomplished more in their life than I ever will. I still feel like I have all the time in world to discover who I am, what I want to me. But school and parents and teachers tell me that I don't. That tomorrow, if the world would end, I would have to know where I exactly want to be in 20 years. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to face the world as an adult. I don't thik I am in any way mature enough to handle adult things. Adult jobs. Adult money. Adult relationships. I don;t want to grow up anymore, because that means. I am just getting closer to the day when I will no longer be here. When my family will no longer be here - and that scares me in a whole other area.

I need a passion.

Whatever. You're all f*ed up.

2006-02-21T05:59:28Z

I dont feel like telling you my secrets anymore.

So please forgive me for not writing much lately.. or not writing much in the future.

I'm begining to think that my thoughts are safer in my mind than they are in words. Oh well.. or maybe I

haven't had anyone here to really understand them. Yea - that might be it.

I think I really miss my friends from back home. For as much as I say I never want to see them/hang out

with them/would rather be bored than sit in SM, I do miss them. I had so much fun this weekend in BG.

I guess I always feel more like myself around them. I feel like I have to go out of my way here to

make stupid comments or dumb sarcastic jokes.

Somtimes it all just feels f a k e.

Like I'm just pretending to be whatever anyone wants me to be. Ugh. I just want to be done with college.

Or maybe just done with the drama known as "making friends". I already have my friends, and I have my

family. I don't need anything else.

Whatever. I dont want to tell you my secrets. My thoughts are mine. And if you're lucky, or also known

as my bestest friends, you'll get to hear them someday. I want get back that feeling of serious

emotion. Whether they be happy or sad. Funny or angry...I dont care. I just want something other

than this mundane every day to day feeling known as college. I need some excitment. Maybe I just need

a boyfriend. Maybe then I could shut up everyone else going on and on about theirs. Blah. I'm having

some serious issues with that - friends and their boyfriends. I guess I just cant understand how

and why some people do the things they do. I could go crazy talking about it. But whatever. I guess

you all do what you wanna do -- and maybe that's what my whole problem is, I'm not. But whatever.

It's not like it matters too much anyway.

I think I'm going to go tanning soon - that always helps to cheer me up.

Or I could be like the other girls and just go sleep with any and every cute boy I get drunk with.

Nah.. that's so cliche. And sick. I'd like to keep those germies away.

Why can't people just be NORAML around Athens.............

kquellhorst @ 2006-02-03T19:14:00

2006-02-04T00:23:58Z

take me back home
where the love is pure
and the words are kind
take me back home

breaking out of this place
has never seemed so easy
ill take off right now
anything to get me there

..... oh i cant do this now. ill finish it later.

go back to Emotions...

2006-01-24T06:28:56Z

so i bought a new journal... a pink journal. an updated pink notebook if you will. i kept trying to think up what to name this new journal. i wanted something to symbolize a new start. a fresh start after a long, messed up year. i thought about calling it the pink notebook 2, but then i realized that i want this notebook to be different... not all my writings are going to be about lovesick people, or hating people who broke up with you. i want this one to be about exploring life more. understanding lifes meanings, figuring out where you stand and learning to love yourself. so i've decied to not exactly name the book, but name the writings in my book... so this is it: go back to Emotions. which is exactly what i want to do with this book. really dig deep into what i was passionate about before college, life, and boys messed it all up. ive got one poemy-ish thing in it.. it's not the best b/c im really out of the habit of being creative. but this is what i've got....

i hope you find what you're looking for
all the roads you've traveled
all the pain you've fought
may they lead you to the things..
the things you've always sought

go back to emotions
go back to the real
feel the love, feel the burn
i dont care how
just feel.

search the unfound
read the unread
watch the unseen
become what's never been

go back to emotions
relive the doubt
relive the triumph
doesn't matter what you do
just make each day count

you'll find what you're lookin' for
you'll find your place in the sun
if you learn to bare it all and
go back...
go back to emotions

kquellhorst @ 2006-01-08T19:49:00

2006-01-09T01:21:41Z

So I figured since molly has finally wrote in her LJ again, I should too...

back at ou... and loving it. classes are probably going to blow this quarter (as they always do winter quarter) let's just hope that this winter goes better than last year. i miss my family like crazy right now.. and i miss molly almost as much. shes pretty much the only good friend... well the best friend.. ive got left. i dont think anyone else could be more supportive of everything ive gone through and all that ive changed into - i love her lots.

my daddy is coming to OU for dad's weekend this saturday! it should be a good time - bars - alcohol - drunk dads. im sure it'll be just grand. after this weekend i plan on making some campus trips to visit some seriously missed peoples. kent. osu. cincy. toledo.... maybe a special trip to dayton. who knows. working at the rec now -- finally! its pretty cool. meeting lots of new people, and really hot guys. ive already got a crush on my new supervisor, evan. hot to trot. (lame. i know). maybe getting into B&BW again if i feel like it - 2 jobs might be too much for me. we'll see... anyway, moo and ashlyn's LJ's were cool so im going to copy it....

Thirteen random things you like:
1.)warm weather
2.) pink nail polish
3.) my family
4.) my best friends
5.) silver jeans from maurices
6.) alcohol
7.) oprah dvd collection
8.) mac eyeshadow
9.) my new shampoo
10.) 58 E green st, athens ohio
11.) getting mail
12.) rice cakes with peanut butter
13.) laughing

Twelve favorite movies:
1.) pretty woman
2.) the notebook
3.) how to lose a guy in ten days
4.) finding nemo
5.) cinderella
6.) harry potter
7.) sleepless in seattle
8.) you've got mail
9.) the bodyguard
10.) wedding crashers
11.) home alone 1 & 2
12.) billy madison

Eleven good bands/artists:
1.) tim mcgraw
2.) dierks bentley
3.) sara evans
4.) miranda lambert
5.) beyonce
6.) clay aiken
7.) kelly clarkson
8.) sara evans
9.) ashlee simpson
10.) britney spears
11.) usher

Ten things about you:
1.) i'm deaf in my left ear
2.) i wear a 34-A
3.) my favorite color is pink
4.) i love keith urban
5.) i am a horrible singer
6.) i work at Ping
7.) im single
8.) i drink captain morgan
9.) my cell phone sucks
10.) i went to school in st. marys

Nine good friends.
1.) molly rammel
2.) my mom
3.) sage londergan
4.) my brother
5.) krista sanford
6.) christina witczak
7.) kyle vossler
8.) tori ashbrock
9.) ashley miller

Eight favorite foods/drinks:
1.) pizza
2.) cheesecake
3.) diet sprite
4.) captain morgan
5.) ice cream
6.) brownies
7.) cheesey potatos
8.) seven layer salad

Seven things you wear daily:
1.) foundation
2.) blush
3.) lip gloss
4.) jeans
5.) pony tail
6.) sweatshirt
7.) a smile :)

Six things that annoy you:
1.) hypocrites
2.) liars
3.) mean people
4.) showering
5.) psych 221
7.) neXt on mtv

Five things you touch everyday:
1.) myself... (hahahahahhaa jk)
2.) my hair
3.) my cell phone
4.) keys
5.) keyboard

Four shows you watch:
1.) desperate housewives
2.) grey's anatomy
3.) the O.C
4.) amerian idol

Three celebrities you have a crush on:
1.) nick lachey
2.) ryan gosling
3.) jessica simpson

Two people on LJ that you have kissed:
1.) kissing gives you cooites
2.)

One person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1.) molly lousie rammel

Ms. Independent..... has left the building.

2005-11-17T08:50:03Z

The cliche thing to do right now would be spin off into an "im independent and i love it and i dont care who im not dating... i am single, fabulous and available"

Well no offense to you all but, I'M SICK OF BEING THAT GIRL. Why the hell does every single girl have to play the miss independent role. Why can't she just be "single"? Just single thats it. Period. Single. Not single and loving it. Not single and searching. Not single and sexy. Just single. I am so sick of people telling me to "find a boyfriend" "get a cute boy" "go talk to him" "let me set you up with him" "dance on the table and flaunt your stuff" Well maybe I JUST DON'T WANT TO. I have been in the most messed up relationship of my life for almost 2 years. Sure maybe I need a new relationship- and yeah maybe I secretly want one... but I am sooo worn out from being in that messed up one that I have no strength left to even attempt to have a normal one. I am so sick of boys..I dont want to talk to them, I want to try and meet them, I dont even care if I see one. Never in my life have been so fed up with men. Never have I ever blamed all my life's problems on men. But here I am, finding myself doing that very same thing. I am not independent right now. I am single. And yes, I may be fabulous and available... but I'm single. Nothing else. Just single. I'm not happy or sad about it. I'm just there. I don't want to be set up. I don't want ppl to ask me if I'm dating... I even go so far as to not even check the boxes marked "single" on forms/websites just so people won't know that I am. Becuase that's how much I don't want to talk about it. You want me to talk about something else other than my stupid heart, my stupid feelings... well to be honest, I really have nothing else going on in my life right now to talk about. I'm SINGLE. I don't have sweet boyfriends doing sweet thigns for me. I don't have single friends doing crazy single things. I dont have crazy drunkn stories because my social events end early b/c all my friends leave to go have sex and I'm single and the one going home alone.

You know what I am... I'm single and pissed off about everyone trying to make me 'un-single'. Maybe I secretly enjoy torturing myself like this... who the hell knows.

I'm single and I need a drink. and a new vibrator. So take that world...

kquellhorst @ 2005-11-11T02:09:00

2005-11-11T07:15:58Z

I'm supposed to write about happy things... but right now, I simply cannot.

I didn't think it was that hard for someone to love me............ back.

:'(

To: Molly Rammel

2005-11-07T04:19:58Z

Dear Ms. Rammel:

If you see this, just know that I am alive and well. I hope you are the same. Havent heard from you in awhile - but you said your phone was broke. But I keep getting messages from Gag telling me to call your cell phone.

Hope you're doing good.

Love you!

kquellhorst @ 2005-11-03T00:30:00

2005-11-03T05:30:30Z

I am just a lost soul
Moving with him in the dark
I was lost
Wandering around this world
Looking for what I could not find
Trying to pretend it was there
But I knew it wasnt
I was sick of feeling alone
Sick of being scared
So I took comfort in the only thing I knew:
Him.
I dont know if I found what I was looking for
I dont know if I'm unafraid
I do know that in this crazy, messed up cycle
That I will always love him
But not in the way I wanted to
And I ask myself
Am I ok with that?

Halloweenies

2005-11-01T04:22:58Z

SO Halloween went a little unplanned and unexpected... in more than one way.

This definately wasn't the craziest Halloween I've been to - in fact, it was kinda calm. But nonetheless I had a really good time being a bunny. Jeremy came down for the weekend and he was Hugh Heffner - it was a super cute outfit when we were together. Didn't get to hang out with Sage or Christina or Ashley and Tori much this weekend but I guess I have all year to do that. Jeremy was super sweet and I had a good time ;)

I skipped all of my 2 classes today. I was lazy. I missed a movie in IART! Crapola. OH well... I've been trying to get pics of Halloween up on webshots for the past 4 hours but something is messed up. It's really starting to annoy me. I got to talk to Moo today tho - I've been trying to reach her all weekend. We had a nice long chat about some things.. it was good - refreshing. I miss her.

Mom is in Vegas right now for work - she says its a fun city but she doesn't like being there alone bc its not as fun. I think she would look quite goofy wandering around the Vegas Strip by herself. I think we are going to plan a trip there together. Maybe over my long Winter break or maybe for Spring break. Anyway....

that's all I've got. Wish I had something more emotional or something to write about. Kinda just blank. Myabe I'm just worn out from school still? Or maybe I just don't feel like putting my personal life out there for the world to read and criticize. We'll see...

right now.... i am feeling.... this.

2005-10-30T23:23:33Z

"Tiny Vessels"
Death Cab for Cutie

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

homecoming horrors

2005-10-22T05:06:09Z

i tried to go on a haunted hayride tonight on campus. but they told me it was sold out and to come back next weekend. so i just got apple cider and went home.

im losing my creativity. i haven't wrote in awhile. i really dont have any emotion to write about. im not really happy, and im not really sad. im not in love, and im not in hate. so i am just sitting here in this limbo-like place waiting for something to happen. my friend always says, "i've heard of being underwhelmed, and i know of being overwhelmed.. but can you ever just be whelmed?" i guess that is me. just stuck in this second gear, never ending cycle. my biggest deilima right now is whether or not ill wake up in time to make it to the football game at 2 pm. my sleeping habits are unnatural.. unnormal...and irrational. i go to bed too late, wake up too early.. nap too long and somewhere in between all that, i squeeze in 20 credit hours, a job, and a semi-social life.

ashlyn is talking to me now. she's a creative chick. and i love her. shes my favorite art girl ever. im glad her and molly are friends. i hope when her and jon get married, ill be invited to the wedding. or at least the engagment party.

time for me to go to sleep --- how how it's so familiar.

Mmmm... pink notebook 2

2005-10-05T05:45:40Z

I could think of all the good times
I could think of all the fun
I could think of how it ended
And where it went so wrong

I could ask for him back
Beg him from my knees
Use all the rights words
Like 'love' and 'pretty please'

But why the hell would I do that
Why would I toss my pride
Because right now I'm lovin' this
With my best girls at my side

Got everything I need
Good drinks and sexy shoes
And maybe with a little luck
That hot new boy will come around too

I got my own thing now
It's a new me an old you
Perfect timing to let go
This is what I wanna do

So I'm not gonna remember
I'm not gonna miss that
'Cuz where I am now
Is a whole lot better than where I was at.

kquellhorst @ 2005-09-21T23:38:00

2005-09-22T03:43:17Z

Tomorrow is Thursday! Thank goodness.

This has been a week from hell. With the getting arrested, going to court, taking exams, writing papers and working, I have found no motivation to get my ass to the rec. And therefore, I feel totally fat and completely out of shape. I hate that feeling. And what's better is that I am going to a wedding with Jeremy this weekend and so now I'm like great -- I can't look fat! *sigh*

On a better note, I am doing amazing in my classes! Which is awesome considering my 20 hour schd. I swear, M and W I have classes 8-10, 10-12, and then work 12-2:30... and then T and Th I have class 10-12, 12-2, and 3-5. Fridays are my off days ---which I use to sleep in. Gosh - I'm really getting my ass to the rec tomorrow. At least I'm eating less at school - I think? I only get to eat one actual meal a day. Bc my lunches are nonexsistant and usually contain a turkey sandwich or a bagel. Score.

Ok -- I'm really not into writing this.
BYe

.......

2005-09-19T04:14:47Z

I had a very long weekend.
It was not very fun.
I got into some things
I never should have done.

It started out real innocent
Nothing I ain't never tried
Drank a few beers
Met some really uncool guys

But then we went uptown
And stopped at this bar
Ordered a few rounds of shots
I guess I went too far

Cuz the next thing I knew
I was talking to a guy with a badge
And he's telling me that I did somethin' wrong
Boy, I've never been so sad

Now I gotta go
Talk to some guy in a robe
And find out what I gotta do
To see a little bit of hope.

Mom is disappointed
Daddy is too
My friends think it's funny
I'm feeling blue.

Cheer up
I'll try
Smile
I might
But who was sitting next to me
When I cried that entire night?

You weren't there
Neither were they
No one else wanted trouble
They all went away

So I'll learn my lesson
Won't get cut myself some slack
This is the first time I've written a poem
That I wish I could take back.

Back at O-HI-O!

2005-09-08T22:48:49Z

My first week of classes as a Sophomore is offically over! Let the mayhem begin :)

So glad to be back in Athens! Love the roomie (sage) and the girls down the hall (ashley and tori). I wish I could say I had an awesome summer in St. Marys, but to be honest, I didn't. I think if I have to spend one more summer there, I may become depressed. There were a few good nights of drunkeness with my bestest friends Hannah, Moo and Maggie. Wish I could've seen Megan more, but she was with her boyfriend. Mom traveled a lot, which left me, my dad and my brother to fiend for ourselves - which was not cool. Worked at Bath and Body all summer (shit hours) and that was my form of entertainment.

Currently I am trying to pick apart the broken pieces of what I like to call my "relationships". I feel almost drained of all emotion so it makes it hard. It's very difficult getting close to people that I'm unfamiliar with - which creates the problem of refusing to let go. But maybe I don't want to let go. Maybe what I had then and what I have now (depsite how messed up it is) works for me. ALl I know is that I am neither confused or sad and to me, that's a definate two thumbs up. This 2nd year at OU looks promising tho. I am so much more relaxed and have come o ut of my "freshmen shell" i had around me last year. It's really nice to be back and remember ppl from last year and have them remember you. It's funny the people you run into again and again. And even more funny when you think about the people who you rarely spoke to before, are now one of your closest friends. I guess people come into your life for a reason after all. I read today that if you want to know where your heart is, just watch where you mind goes when you wander...

OK - on a lighter note. Roomie Sage is currently trying to fix her fan that keeps making some funky noises. I informed her that her fan is probably just a short bus fan. Short bus is the new prhase we've been using lately. (As in something that is dumb, dysfunctional, or really idiotic) It sounds rather dumb but trust me, when you're sitting at the dining hall and your table keeps wobbling and someone yells "SHORT BUS TABLE" it's kinda humorous and your mashed potatos fly outta your mouth a little.

To all my loves - pics of you all are hanging on my walls. And everyonet thinks your adorbale. Pink Notebook ladies - I'll try to get something new out soon. Or for that matter, e-mail you some classics. Alright well dining hall food is threatening to reguritate so I'm outta here. See you all in Cbus this weekend if you're there. Party hard - go BUCKS!

you know you love me :)

kquellhorst @ 2005-08-09T23:04:00

2005-08-10T03:17:51Z

Well Summerfest weekend is almost near. Usually a pretty good time, drinking at the diamonds, having a few good parties with everyone, drinking beer with my parents friends and oh yea, MY BIRTHDAY. Ah yes, Summerfest marks the wee days before my birthday. August 16, 1985... my dad was getting drunk and passing out "It's a Girl" cigars in the beer tent in honor of me. Yes, Summerfest is my turf :)

Well.. actually, it will probably be lame. I doubt we go up there this year.. not the cool thing to do anymore. Moo is leaving for her interview for Old Navy this weekend, I hope she gets it! I should offer to help her practice interview questions. I'm good at that! Kyle is wanting to go to Cedar Point the 17th.. I hope I am able to go. I should've maybe checked to make sure I could have that day off. Hmmmm...

Went and visited my grandma today - she is doing good. She wears her wig now. I tell her she's still beautiful without her hair. My grandpa keeps asking me who my boyfriend is... I keep telling him no one, but he insists that his name is Bill and that he is a hillbilly from Kentucky. Oh boy.

My little brother leaves for COLLEGE the 20th! Woofta! August is a busy month. He is going to Toledo! I'm super excited for him, but I'm so sad for him to leave. It will be the first time that it's just mom and dad living in the house. We're growing up :)

I guess that's all for right now.

I left my heart in athens....

2005-07-25T02:43:32Z

Went to visit Sage this weekend. It was a grand time. Her mom had a wine tasting party that left me feeling a tad tipsy and extremely hungry (yaay for the cheese tray!). We watched some crazy, bizarre movie about India and arranged marriages, it was, well, odd. Especially when everyone would break out in song and tribal dances - what ever.

We shopped for the room and got a super cute lamp and some cool shoe racks (love it) and then we went to easton where I scored some sweet jeans (size 6! yay!) all for $67 - thank you bath and body discount. After a few delish oatmeal cookies and long drive home, I made it to St. Marys just in time to find my mom tearing apart the living room. I guess we're remodeling.

In other news, getting my hair done this week. Finally! Going blonde, as usual. Maybe investing in a manicure/pedicure this week too. Who knows. I don't work til Wednesday - a lot of free time.

Love goes out to all my beautiful ones :)

Take me back to CC

2005-07-13T02:58:49Z

Country Concert was amazing...

I'm definately getting tickets for next year. And so should you. Tim McGraw was my favorite performance of all four days. That man has got a nice butt and he knows how to use it. Mmmm hmmm. He can paint his jeans on me anytime. Anyway - aside from kick ass concerts all weekend I got to hang out with a ton of people I haven't seen all summer. We drank MASS beer and liquor. Camped out in tents and shitty campers and had a contest on who could make the most beer cans explode. (I was DQ'ed considering that I smashed my beer can into someone's car window) Molly, Hannah, Meg, Mags and I hung out a lot. It rocked. Well except for the part when Molly fell off her lawnchair from dancing too much on it. She kinda broke her foot. Haha - as best friend, I of course, am getting all the blame. Oh well - I made her a kick ass birthday cake and she got over it :) I didn't meet any cute cowboys, but boy did I see some. There are a lot of rednecks there tho.. .and in the words of Alicia Roth : "I think we're kinda rednecks... but it's ok because we're like the highest class of rednecks" Ohhh Lisha...

Now I'm back to work. Oh booo.. oh it's money I guess. I'm looking forward to my birthday in August and then heading back to school in Sept. I miss all my OU crew so much. I need to call some people I haven't talked to in awhile.

Well I don't know how to put pics up here bc Moo won't tell me otherwise I'd put some wonderful pics from CC up there... buuuuut you can check them out at :
http://community.webshots.com/user/kquellhorst

Take a gander.. you're sure to laugh at least twice :)

Oh what a marvelous weekend....

2005-07-07T03:43:02Z

Tomorrow is CC... which means:
-i get to hang out with moo all weekend
-tim mcgraw, brad paisley, sara evans and josh gracin will be there too
-i get to drink mass beer with some cool cats
-i get to wear a cowboy hat
-i'll have the BEST stories to tell you all later.

don't worry - i'll put pics up on webshots monday sometime.

meanwhile.. i got some warts frozen off my finger. it hurt real bad. and it still does. stupid doctor. he said it would "sting a little" he is a liar. and a bad man. i think he's kinda cute tho - for a 40 year old? weird? ya, i think so. moving on...

went to a wedding this past weekend and had a BLAST! saw a ton of people i havent seen in forever and we danced, drank and had a grand time. i didnt take a date (bad subject) but i still managed to bust out a few laughs and electric slides by myself.

my cali tan is going away- hopefully ill get to lay out this weekend. i hope i meet a cute cowboy. we found a cat at the concert site and we named him Hillbilly. I think the boys will try to kick him - i want to take him to the cat shelter.

well my finger hurts so im gg. bye.

Thank you Hawaiian Tropic Tanning Oil....

2005-06-24T13:49:56Z

I am up at 9:45 am because once again, Bath and Body gave me a call in and then decided they didn't need me. Slightly annoyed - but it's ok because I am going out on the lake today! :) :)

My aunt, Tammy and me are hitting GLSM on her boat and tanning til 2 - and then I am driving to the airport to pick up my mother! At which point when we return, we will then go back out on the boat and possibly go watch one of our friends' play in his band at the local bar and grille. Ohhh if SM doesn't excite you now, it never will.

Anyway, had a wonderful evening again with my friends :) Moo, Hannah, Erica, Alana, Amanda, Jeremy and Bobby all sat around at Moo's house drinking and chit chatting. It was quite enjoyable. My summer is slowly, but surely, looking to vastly improve. Plus now that I'm working, I will have a paycheck coming - I doubt it will be much since I haven't had one extra call in lately, but oh well.

Ok - I gotta go get my swim suit on!!!!!!! Hooray for tanning oil!

St. Marys summer sucks.

2005-06-22T02:41:28Z

I don't have a real job.
I need a 2nd job.
I'm currently broke and extremely pissy about it.
I have no one to talk to all day.
No one calls to hang out.
I'm re-doing my room - but again, I'm broke. So it's taking forever.
My digital camera is broke (not that I have anything fun to take pictures of)
The last few times I've gone out I've gotten bitched at for something... I'm contemplating not socializing anymore.
My tan is going away.
Mom isn't home to hang out with.
I'm single = I'm extremely bored and frustrated.
I haven't kissed a boy in who knows when = I'm extremly sad.
And any boy I think about hooking up with, well everyone has something negative to say.
No one will help me paint my room.
There are no good books at the library.
And someone stole my giant water bottle.
Mother thinks I have a drinking problem ( I'm assuming that when she finds her wine bottles all empty when she gets home that she will no longer "think" but "know")
No I'm not happy.

Today, I do not win at life.